"Let us go forth a while, and get better air in our lungs. Let us leave our closed rooms...
The game of ball is glorious."

--Walt Whitman

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Who'd'a Thunk It?

After the abyss o' despair that was the Toronto series, the sucking continued unabated through the seventh-inning stretch on Friday when---WHAM!  BANG! BOOM!  A week's worth of unused hitting (smuggled onto the field by one Jason Kubel) descended upon the unsuspecting Angels, hitherto possesors of a 9-4 lead.

Kubel went 4-for-5 and hit for the cycle, including a lead-grabbing grand slam, and then trotted out Saturday night to give his teammates another hitting clinic and lead them through a romp of a win, 9-2.  Sunday, Kubel was too tired to do much at the plate, but ace-thus-far Glen Perkins took charge, buffed his 1.50 ERA on the Angels' lineup and handed the ball to Joe Nathan after 8 brilliant innings for the 3-1 win and the sweep.

Wow.  Hitting AND pitching.  In one series.  Remarkable.  TBL is still pinching herself. 
Yesterday the Twins enjoyed their first day off of the season--the last team in the majors to get one--and we can only hope it wasn't a momentum-killer as they take on the Red Sox in Fenway for a 2-game visit. 

Tonight, Scott Baker tries to put his last (and only) outing and its four home runs behind him to face the slugging Sox, while Twins hitters have the unenviable task of swinging for Tim Wakefield's evil knuckleballs.  Wednesday, Francisco Liriano will continue his search for a hot streak against Brad Penny, who hasn't exactly had the season of his life so far, either.

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Friday, April 17, 2009

Fever Dreams

Twins vs Blue Jays series totals (4 games):

Team RunsHits (HRs)ERASuck Factor
Jays3156 (9)2.87-3
Twins1336 (2)7.11+12

TBL had a dream last night. This is not an analogy or storytelling device, but a true and accurate description of the effusions of TBL's subconscious after she trudged home from the horror that was last night and attempted to escape into sleep.

In her dream, TBL was at the Dome, and the Twins were not playing very well. The identity of their opponent was not clear. She left the game early, for reasons similarly unknown, and ventured with her friend Jessica to a cabin in the woods in search of popcorn. (No, she does not understand that part of the dream any more than you do.) The next morning, she turned on the news and was horrified to learn that the Twins had suffered baseball's first 3-digit defeat. The score was 126 to 11. That is when TBL woke up, disturbed the cat, noticed that her alarm would be going off in less than a quarter hour, and decided to use those minutes to huddle under the blanket and swear.

As much as TBL would like to blame the absence of Baby Jesus and believe that his supposedly-impending return will restore the Twins to glory, let us be realistic, dear readers. If only for one moment.

Yea, though Mauer's bat is mighty, it cannot keep the other 8 fellows from striking out all the freakin' time. And though he is a game-caller without peer, he can only call the pitches, not make the pitcher deliver them both in the strike zone and in such a location as to maybe, possibly, get someone out.

Mauer's triumphant return, in other words, stands to make the Twins approximately 1/10th better. Ponder that for a moment, would you? Ah, yes. Now you see it.

1/10th will do precisely bupkiss against this level of suck. Which is why TBL proposes that the gentlemen on the active roster at once embark on this simple three-step plan:

1. Cease awaiting their fearless hero's return. He will be here when he gets here.
2. Pull their craniums back into the light of day.
3. Play baseball at a level resembling the professional.

And please, please stay out of TBL's dreams for a while.

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Monday, April 06, 2009

In the Beginning

At last, dear readers, baseball has returned. TBL has little to report: the Dome was crowded, the "food" remains unchanged, the score was not all one hoped it would be. It appears our boys left all the good bats in Florida. Overnight courier, anyone?

(By the bye, does anyone know why there were no Gameday programs?)

On the bright side, the Twins are tied for first in the division (with Cleveland and Detroit, who also lost, half a game ahead of Kansas City and Chicago, whose game was postponed). And Joe Crede's back appears to have survived the night.

Postscript for the psychotic Justin Morneau fan a few rows back: He can't hear you. Give it a rest, already.

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