Avast!

With friends like these...

...who needs reality?

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Back in the Saddle

Hello, everyone! With the advent of the Renaissance Festival--and therefore the ending of pre-Fest preparations--the pace of my life has slowed from frenetic to merely frantic and there is blogging time once again.

(Yes, there will be pirate pictures, once they've been culled and organized.)

Speaking of pirates, did you know there's a baseball team called the Pirates? It's true. They're from Pittsburgh, they're in the National League Central Division, and they aren't very good. Actually, they're pretty bad. They're not as bad as the Royals, though, who are in the American League Central Division. There's another team in the American League Central Division which is much better than either the Royals or the Pirates, and they're called the Twins.

(Don't the Twins sound better when you lead into the subject like that?)

This weekend, the Twins won a series. They only scored five runs, but they won the series. That's impressive, in an aenemic, fans-breaking-out-in-hives sort of way. They've actually won two of their four series in August so far, though you wouldn't know it from the mounting Prilosec bills among the team's loyal followers.

(Fun [?] fact: Lew Ford is the team's best hitter so far this month, with a .310 average, but he's only got two RBI because you need guys on base for that.)

On Friday, Johan "Dios, This Team is Heavy" Santana overcame lousy run support--one, count it, one run--by pitching a complete game shutout. On Saturday, Justin "This is My Boom-Stick" Morneau treated Joe "A Little Help, Here" Mays to the munificent total of two runs, only to see ol' Joe hack up twice that many in the bottom of the inning--apparently Joe only pitches mutual shutouts. On Sunday, Carlos "Please, No More Lone Ranger Jokes" Silva took the lone run his teammates managed to give him and nursed it until the sixth inning when, alas, some jerk ran in from third on a patented Silva double play grounder. But the Twins did eke out another run in the ninth to win it for fellow Venezuelan righty Juan "Señor Reliable" Rincón, so all's well that ends with a series win.

(All's well unless you're Juan Castro, that is--he went on the disabled list with a strained knee on Saturday.)

And now the Twins head back to the Central Division, and the Central time zone, to face the Whine Socks in the Windy City. These two teams haven't played each other since April, which coincidentally was about the last time the Twins were in the race for the division.

(Did I say that? That sounded a little bitter. What I meant was...well, pretty much what I said, actually.)

So what's at stake now? Pride, I suppose, or at least our tattered, patched and oft-darned dignity. We have enough games left with them to play the spoiler to their homefield advantage hopes, too, though that would require a whole lot of winning. And maybe a little ass-kicking.

(The fun starts at 7:00. In the event of a bad outing, multilingual swearing classes begin in my living room around the fourth inning.)

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Media Roundup

The media, they are abuzz today!

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From the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

Hernandez is supposed to be the top pitching prospect in baseball, and he threw 97-mph strikes with a hard-snapping curveball. He's no Daffy Duck, but he is a teenager, and the Twins have lived this one-play-short scene far too often this season for at least Gardenhire's patience.
And a sixth-inning move that went unexplained publicly might be a sign that the manager's tolerance has run out.
Center fielder Lew Ford's failure to execute a routine sacrifice bunt with runners at first and second in a scoreless game cost the Twins their best scoring chance.
Ford bunted the first pitch foul and then bunted a fastball just to the left of the mound that Hernandez fielded quickly enough to get the lead runner at third on a good play. The inning fizzled after that for the Twins when Justin Morneau followed with a strikeout.
When asked about pulling Ford from the game defensively in the sixth -- and putting infielder Nick Punto in center -- Gardenhire made a reference to the hip flexor Ford has played with and then said, 'Internal stuff... . That's in this clubhouse.''
Ford was not immediately available in the clubhouse after the game. Other players suggested that more went on between the failed bunt and the bottom of the sixth inning to prompt the change.
Whatever the specifics, it seems that with less than eight weeks left in the season and the end to a postbreak free fall nowhere in sight, the manager is ready to respond swiftly to continued failures of this underperforming lineup.

Gardy.
Gardy, Gardy, Gardy.
Two things.

One.
You can't spend years devaluing the bunt and then get mad when some poor schmuck can't execute.
What makes me think you devalue the bunt, you might ask? Well, mostly it's the fact that the only Twin who lays down a decent bunt with any regularity is a product of another team's farm system. I figure proper emphasis on bunting technique should have resulted in a certain basic level of competence in at least a handful of players from the Twins system.

Two.
Does "the manager is ready to respond swiftly to continued failures" mean you won't be using Romero with runners on anymore? Or that, at the very least, you'll kick his ass from here to Toledo next time he plays Inflate-O-Matic with someone else's ERA?

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From ESPN.com:

Lohse lost his fifth decision in seven starts since posting his last victory June 2. But he pitched a strong game, too, allowing one run on four hits and two walks, with a season-high seven strikeouts.

Poor Kyle. He really has been doing a lot better lately, but he's got serious run support issues.

Let's look at those last five losses:

August 9th, lost to Seattle 0-1. 7 innings, 4 hits, 2 walks, 1 run, earned.
July 30th, lost to Boston 2-6. 5 innings, 7 hits, 4 walks, 3 runs, earned.
July 24th, lost to Detroit 2-5. 6 2/3 innings, 11 hits, 3 walks, 5 runs, 4 earned.
July 14th, lost to Anaheim 2-3. 6 innings, 7 hits, 3 walks, 3 runs, earned.
July 7th, lost to Kansas City 5-8. 5 innings, 9 hits, 2 walks, 4 runs, earned.

So, he's given up 1, 3, 4, 3 and 4 earned runs going back to early July, and took a loss in every last one. Some of those outings weren't great, but they were all winnable. In each of the two no-decisions mixed in among those losses, he gave up two earned runs. In his last two wins, back in the mists of time, he gave up no more than one earned run. Is that what he has to do--keep it to one earned run or less just to have a chance?

Sad. Truly sad.

---

From twinsbaseball.com:

Francisco Liriano extended his scoreless streak to 26 2/3 innings as Triple-A Rochester cruised to a 7-3 victory over Ottawa in Tuesday's doubleheader opener.
Liriano (7-1) yielded four hits and three walks while fanning four over seven innings at Frontier Field. He owns a 1.46 ERA and has allowed only one run in his last 43 2/3 frames.
The 21-year-old left-hander was named the International League Pitcher of the Week for the week of Aug. 1-7, receiving the title for the second time this season since being promoted from the Double-A New Britain Rock Cats on June 16.

Le pant. Le drool. Le swoon.

Oh, September can't come soon enough, can it?

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Catching Up

Editor's Note: TBL has been desperately busy getting ready for the Renaissance Festival. What made her decide that she really needs a sixth pair of bloomers and a new cloak embellished with embroidery (and not machine embroidery, thank you very much), she doesn't know. But suffice it to say, she's been spending more time with a needle than a keyboard these days. At any rate, let's look back on the weekend in Twinsland, or at least what bits of it TBL managed to catch:

Boston @ Minnesota

Game 1: Best. Game. Ever.

Now, I like a good pitcher's duel as much as anyone. But after a month of taking sucking lessons from Kansas City, what I really want is a blowout. An honest-to-gosh, take-that, I-spit-in-your-general-direction blowout. I want to see the other team grow tails for the express purpose of having something to tuck between their legs as they slink out afterward. I want to see the visitor's fans (who were out in great numbers that evening) wailing, gnashing their teeth and rending their logo-emblazoned garments.

It didn't look good in the beginning. When you're playing the powerhouse Red Sox and the first batter of the game gets a triple against Brad "First Inning Blues" Radke, you've mentally tallied three or four runs against before the dust has settled from the slide.

Have you met Brad's brother, Johan K. Radke?

With a runner on third and no outs, the rest of the first inning went like so: K, BB, K, K. One hit, no run, one left. I couldn't believe my eyes. Radke would go on to record eight strikeouts on the evening, ably assisted by the sparkling defensive play of Lew "Just Call Me Torii" Ford. Radke would not give up a walk or an extra-base hit after the first.

While Radke was pitching a gem, the Twins were doing things to Bronson Arroyo that would be illegal outside of a baseball diamond. Every player contributed at the plate, quite possibly for the first time this season.

The starters:
Ford - 5 AB, 3 hits, 2 runs
Punto - 4 AB, 1 hit, 1 RBI
Mauer - 5 AB, 3 hits, 3 runs, 3 RBI
LeCroy - 4 AB, 3 hits, 1 run, 1 RBI
Jones - 4 AB, 3 hits, 2 runs, 2 RBI, 1 walk
Morneau - 5 AB, 1 RBI
Cuddyer - 4 AB, 1 hit, 1 walk
Ryan - 4 AB, 1 run, 1 walk
Bartlett - 3 AB, 1 walk

The substitutes:
Rodriguez - 1 AB, 1 hit, 1 run
Tiffee - 1 AB, 1 hit, 1 run

I said everyone, I meant everyone!

The Twins win, 12-0.


Game 2: Opportunity Knocks Late

I was catching what may well be my last Saints game of the season Saturday night, so with the exception of checking the score on my mobile, I missed this one. However, the final at-bats of the game were replayed many times on the TV, and they were worth watching.

The score was tied at three in the bottom of the ninth, when Cuddyer hit a chopper to his counterpart at third, Bill Mueller, who air-mailed it to the first baseman's invisible, levitating twin. Cuddy scampered into second, and up comes the only Twin who successfully bunts with any regularity, Nick Punto. And Punto, naturally, bunts. The pitcher fields, juggles the ball a little, and throws exactly where Mueller just threw--which is to say, more toward the stands than his own fielder. Cuddy sprinted home, and there's your game.

Sometimes you win 'em, and sometimes they lose 'em. Boston loses, 4-3.


Game 3: There Aren't Enough O's in Oops

I missed the first half of this game, too. I know, I know--I'm a bad fan. But I really can't regret missing Shannon Stewart flipping the fly ball which consituted the second out of the inning into the stands for a fan, thereby allowing a run to Boston. I'm so glad I missed that, I refused to watch the news last night, just so I wouldn't see a replay. I don't watch Bush, and I don't watch plays like that. It keeps me from going prematurely grey.

There was a ray of hope, however. Our boys went into the ninth trailing 11-4, and quickly made two outs. Then they strung together a walk, a single, a throwing error, a double, a single, a walk, and a bases-loaded walk to score three runs and load the bases, bringing the tying run to the plate.

And then, of course, the tying run struck out, but hey--what a rally, right?

Twins lose, 11-7.


Wrapup: Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

The Twins scored 23 runs over the three games and recorded their first series win since the All-Star break (pardon me while I cringe). They had scored 22 runs over the eight games prior to the series, so we're looking at a real surge here.

Meanwhile, per twinsbaseball.com:

A seventh-inning strikeout of Roberto Petagine ended struggling reliever J.C. Romero's streak of nine batters faced without recording an out over his last three games. In that span, the lefty allowed five earned runs, six hits and three walks.
Romero owns a 14.75 ERA over his last seven appearances while also allowing six of his last eight inherited runners to score.

Can I get an "Ack!"?

The Twins are out west to face the listlessly struggling Mariners for three games. Let's hope they can keep those bats going.

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Nothing New Under the Sun

What can I tell you that you don't already know?

I could tell you that the Twins have given up on winning and are instead concentrating on finding innovative ways to suck. But you knew that. I could tell you the hitters aren't hitting and the pitchers are too often merely throwing, but I suspect you reached that conclusion long ago on your own.

I could tell you that my company recently went through a major re-organization to maximize its soul-sucking capabilities, and that for the first time in the history of corporate re-orgs the goal behind the chaos has actually been achieved. Would that be news?

I could tell you that the project I am currently working on (for the aforementioned soul-suckers) will eventually end up in the Journal of American Science as scientific proof of Murphy's Law. You probably didn't know that, but it's equally probable that you don't care.

I could tell you that President Emperor Bush recently gave the media the finger. And now his mouthpieces say it was his thumb. I wonder what he calls the short, squat finger that's a bit separate from all the rest, then?

But, back to baseball. Here are a few obscure things, in no particular order, that you may not know about the Twins:

• Kyle Lohse leads the Twins' staff in walks, with 31. Behind (or, if you prefer, in front of) him are three pitchers with 29...but only two of those are starters. I'm looking at you, Romero...
• Eight of Minnesota's 25 active players are under 6 feet tall.
• Everyone knows that Johan Santana leads the staff (and the league) in strikeouts. Which Twin is second in the team standings? You might be surprised: it's Brad Radke.
• Improbable team leaders:
• Justin Morneau - triples (4), fielding percent for an "everyday" player (.994)
• Jacque Jones - walks (41)
• Torii Hunter - stolen bases (23)
• Brad Radke - hit batsmen (7)
• Mike Redmond - errors (0), runners caught stealing (9)
• Juan Rincón has the most innings, lowest ERA and fewest home runs allowed of Twins relievers who have been here all season.
• Slump-O-Rama:
• Lew Ford went 13 for 75 (.173) in July.
• Other July slumps:
  • Nick Punto - 20 for 100 (.200)
  • Justin Morneau 19 for 89 (.213)
• Throwing, as opposed to pitching (July):
• Jesse Crain - 9.28 ERA, ten walks, three strikeouts
• Terry Mulholland - 7.36 ERA
• Joe Mays - 7.36 ERA, four home runs
• Only the Kansas City Landed Gentry have scored fewer runs than the Twins this season, and they're only 3 runs behind us.
• The Twins are third in the league in pitching, behind only the @$#! Whine Sox and the Los Angeles Angels of Names That Are Too Damn Long, respectively.

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Alas

AL Central Standings
Team	W	L	PCT	GB
@$%#! Whine Sox	69	35	0.663	--
Native American Stereotypes	55	51	0.519	15
Twins	54	51	0.514	15.5
Tiggers	50	54	0.481	19
Landed Gentry	38	67	0.362	31.5

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Your Attention Please

According to the Rochester Red Wings website:

Jason Bartlett has been called up.

Well, hot damn. And about time, too!

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