Mojo, Eh?

The Twins haven't done well with bases loaded this season, and that's putting it mildly. And Justin Morneau, our lone Canuck, hasn't been doing so well at the plate this season...and that's putting it mildly.

So when Justin came up in the bottom of the eighth for his first and only at-bat of the evening with the bases loaded, two out and the Twins clinging to a 3-2 lead, something had to be done. Mojo had to be created, and quickly!

Confession time: I have, for reasons I won't go into here, a small and selective collection of stuffed moose (Toys! Not real moose! Are you mad?! Who could kill a moose?). The latest addition to the collection is a small moose in a Twins jersey who was duly christened Cordel Justin-Moose.

I reached into my game bag, pulled out Cordel Justin-Moose, pointed his velvety nose in the direction of the plate and said "Justin, I want you to hit that ball many, many moose-antlers away."

And he did. Inspired by the beady gaze of my plush little friend, Morneau ignored his aching elbow and his miniscule, soul-crushing batting average and launched the first pitch he saw into the upper deck for his first career grand slam.

If, in future, you should happen to be at the Dome and look around during a Morneau at-bat to see an otherwise ordinary woman desperately clutching a stuffed moose and muttering in the general direction of home plate, remember the mojo. Eh?


Cordel Justin-Moose recounts his triumph to a rapt Tolie at home after the game.

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Don't Let the Door Hit You

Romero leaves game in snit
Appearance likely reliever's last as a Twin

J.C. Romero probably made his last appearance for the Twins on Wednesday night.

If so, it was a bitter ending.

The enigmatic relief pitcher likely sealed his fate with the only organization he has ever known when he showed up manager Ron Gardenhire and yelled at a coach in the dugout during the Twins' 6-3 victory over the Kansas City Royals at the Metrodome.

"That was wrong," said Gardenhire, who added that he hasn't decided whether Romero will pitch in any of the last four games this season. "Unacceptable."

Romero, who was on the trading block this summer, told the Pioneer Press last month that he would embrace the idea of being traded. The Twins already were expected to shop Romero during the offseason, and Wednesday's incident likely will push general manager Terry Ryan to try to expedite moving the talented but unreliable left-hander.

"It's in their hands," Romero said. "Either we get somewhere (with a trade) or dismiss me."

After hitting two batters in two-thirds of an inning, Romero walked completely off the mound on seeing Gardenhire step out of the dugout and summon Jesse Crain from the bullpen. Romero handed the ball to Gardenhire in passing about five feet away from the mound. After Gardenhire walked to the top of the mound, he turned and appeared to say something to Romero, who never looked back and continued walking slowly toward the dugout.

A television camera caught Romero shouting at bench coach Steve Liddle as Romero passed through the dugout.

"We all know what happened; you saw it in the dugout," said Gardenhire, who plans to meet with Romero today. "That's a little in-house thing that's going to be taken care of expeditiously."

Gardenhire, like a lot of managers, has long emphasized to pitchers the proper protocol for a pitching change, including how to hand the ball to the manager.

Romero, in his fourth full season in the majors, has had a strained relationship with the on-field staff. The staff often has been frustrated with Romero because of his stubbornness and coachability issues.

During a game in 2003, he argued with his catcher, A.J. Pierzynski, on the field. Last season, he was demoted to the minors for a stretch in midseason. And even after pitching well on coming back from the minors, he slumped in September, and Gardenhire reached a point at which he couldn't trust him down the stretch.

Even after all that, the team signed Romero to a two-year, $3.7 million contract in hopes he would gain confidence and settle down.

But Romero continued to struggle this season, although his 4-3 record and 3.47 earned-run average might suggest otherwise. He has allowed almost half of his inherited runners to score (19 of 42). Plus, he has hit six batters, a total more than that of three Twins starters. Romero also has walked 39 batters, by far more than any other Twins reliever.

I'm strapped for time here, so as much as I've looked forward to this inevitable moment since the day I came to understand the concept of the inherited runner, I won't linger to heap scorn on JC's deserving head. I'll just add this last, special message:

Dear JC,
Lefthanded and breathing isn't enough.
Oh, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Love,
TBL
P.S. May I suggest the White Sox as a nice fit for you?

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Okay, So It IS That Bad...

Bloody hell.

We're worse than the Royals.

Let the medicinal drinking commence.

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Adios, White Sox

Twins @ White Sox, last four games of the season series.

Thursday:		Twins 4, White Sox 1
Friday:		Twins 1, White Sox 3
Saturday:		Twins 1, White Sox 8
Sunday:		Twins 1, White Sox 4

Four games. Seven runs. Two errors.

I think the concept of having one's ass handed to one upon a silver platter applies here. The fact that the White Sox have been in a tailspin for weeks only adds insult to the injury.

I know the Twins have been eliminated from both the Central Division race and the AL wild card race, but can't we at least play for pride?

The pitching staff, the only bright light in many long stretches of the season, seems to have finally either worn out or given up. Over the course of the four-game series, they surrendered 35 hits including 5 home runs. While not catastrophically awful, that's far below this staff's standard. 26 of those hits, 4 of the homers and 14 of the 16 runs in the series were coughed up by the starting pitchers.

So, rolling into the last week of the season, the hitting continues to be awful, the starting rotation (now minus workhorses Silva and Radke) is limping badly and the bullpen doing just fine, thanks. We can only hope these guys--especially the hitters because, Johan Santana aside, you can't expect a whole lot from a rotation composed of two rookies, a guy coming off Tommy John surgery and Kyle "Whoops" Lohse--pick themselves up and decide to give us some good memories to carry into the offseason.

But at least we're done with the White Sox, right?

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A Twins Joke

Q: Why did the pacifist root for the Twins?

(See comments for answer)

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Not With A Bang, But A Whimper

Well, it's offical. The Twins have been mathematically eliminated from the Central Division race.

If this surprises you, I wouldn't mind some of whatever you've been smoking lately.

The Twins are also two games from elimination in the wild card race. Most of the scenarios which would allow the Twins to beat the odds and secure the wild card involve several other teams' planes being lost in the Bermuda Triangle, so let's not hold our breath.

And so, we turn our thoughts to other things.

To hurricane relief--and be sure to check out Batgirl's "Dingers for Dollars" drive.

To the Minnesota Wild, and the return of hockey. Stronger, faster...better?

To September callups. There's something wonderful about every crop of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed rookies. The main attraction of this year's group is that they aren't the guys who blew it all in the first place.

To rooting against the Whine Sox and the Bankees. Go Cleveland! Woo-hoo!

To the coming of winter. Dust now--you might not get another chance. Where did I leave my skates, again?

To the Vikings. (snicker)

And, of course, to next year, when we will mercilessly crush them all with Santana, Liriano and the Mighty Bats of Doom! Muahahahahahahaha!

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In Memoriam

Simon Wiesenthal
1908-2005

"The only value of nearly five decades of my work is a warning to the murderers of tomorrow, that they will never rest."
--Simon Wiesenthal, 1994

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