"Let us go forth a while, and get better air in our lungs. Let us leave our closed rooms...
The game of ball is glorious."

--Walt Whitman

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Going in Circles

Ever had your feelings hurt, and though you know you have the right to feel that way, you aren't really sure if you have the right to feel quite as deeply hurt as you do?

And so you keep worrying at it like a dog at a bone, and you turn it over and over in your mind, and you wish you could just decide that

no, it wasn't actually that bad and you're being a ninny about it
, or

yes, it was that awful and you're perfectly justified

because either way, you could shelve it in among your life experiences and start moving past it. But you just can't figure it out and you stand there hugging it to you, not knowing whether to file it under "Really Shitty Things That Have Happened to Me" or "Mildly Shitty Things That I Took Too Hard". And really, you'd be more than happy to set it aside, unresolved questions and all, but something as simple and everyday as checking email serves as a reminder, so the next thing you know a couple of weeks have gone by and you realize that you've spent most of your free time staring at the TV and brooding instead of doing something productive like writing or exercising or wrangling the herd of dust bison under the bed.

And after all that, you still feel kind of broken inside. What then?

Ah, hell, I don't know.

Back to baseball next post.

1 rejoinders:

Fourth pew, center sounded off...

Know exactly what you mean, but have no real answer for "what then?" My most recent 'solution', which I do not recommend, was to be knocked back into reality by something REALLY horrible happening to someone else. Puts your own issues in better perspective.

But I still haven't tackled the dust bison . . .