Postcards From the Stands

While TBL is normally the most mild-mannered of fans (you may cease snickering at your leisure), recent events have gotten her a wee bit hot under the collar. In fact, TBL was in something of a temper when she sat at her escritoire earlier this evening and penned the following missives.

---

Ron Gardenhire
c/o Minnesota Twins
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Gardy,

It's not "just running into good pitching". It's not "a rough patch". It's a team full of asses in desperate need of a good kicking, and guess whose job it is to wear the steel-toed boots?

Expectantly,

TBL

P.S. In case the hint passed unnoticed, it's your job.

---

Active Roster
c/o Minnesota Twins
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Twins,

Darling boys. You know how TBL adores you. You know that vast swathes of her life revolve around you. So TBL wants you to remember that she has your best interests at heart and listen very, very carefully. Are you listening? Good.

YOU SUCK.

Not only do you suck, you are wholly responsible for your own sucking. You are the cause of the sucking, the perpetrators of the sucking, and the only ones who can end the sucking.

By blaming it on luck or the Castillo trade or Santana's infamous rant you are not only aiding and abetting the sucking, you are amplifying it. Not to belabor the obvious, but this merry-go-round of stranded runners, errors, bunt attempts worthy of Charlie Chaplin and baserunning that reminds TBL rather painfully of her own brief Little League career requires no amplification.

Pull your heads out of your collective posterior and play some damn baseball, you nodcocks.

Exasperatedly,

TBL

---

Third Base Line Readers
c/o These Here Innernets
All Over the Darn Place

Dearest Readers,

TBL has carefully assembled this brief collection of baseball-related quotations, appropriate to the circumstances at hand, for your amusement in this bleak hour.

"I get tired of hearing my ballplayers bellyache all the time. They should go sit in the pressbox sometimes and watch themselves play."
--Padres president Buzzie Bavasi

"We had so many people coming in and out they didn't bother to sew their names on the backs of uniforms. They just put them there with Velcro."
--Pirates player Andy Van Slyke

"A man once told me to walk with the Lord. I'd rather walk with the bases loaded."
--Oriole player Ken Singleton

"I told [the manager] I wasn't tired. He told me, 'No, but the outfielders sure are.' "
--Rangers pitcher Jim Kern

"The fans like to see home runs, and we have assembled a pitching staff for their enjoyment."
--Twins executive Clark Griffith

Referentially,

TBL