They Should Serve Beer at Dunn Bros.

The fridge here at Casa Liberales normally contains a small supply of beer, usually an ale of some description. Bell's Oberon and Finnegan's Irish Amber are the current favorites. But you know, sometimes a girl just wants a nice stout. Or perhaps a porter. A lambic, even, on very rare occasions. Rather than laying in a whole six-pack, parts of which might still be cluttering up the beer drawer (What, it's supposed to be for produce? Who knew?) six months later, I usually just stroll on down to the local bar.

Let me tell you, going to a bar alone is strange. Especially on a Friday or Saturday when it's really crowded. I know people do it, but what I don't get is how they can just sit there at the bar without anything to do.

It's likely a side effect of growing up an only child in a house full of books smack in the middle of 50-odd partially tamed acres ideal for playing knights-and-dragons or wizards-and-invading-hordes in, but I require constant intellectual stimulation. I am more than capable of providing said stimulation for myself, but I can't just sit somewhere. I have to be reading or writing or watching (good) TV. Or engaged in conversation, of course.

Then again, I'm not one of these hail-fellow-well-met sorts who can wander into the local watering hole and befriend half the bar in a quarter of an hour or less. Actually, with the exception of those very rare people with whom I feel instantly comfortable, I can barely string together a coherent sentence when talking to strangers. And "people watching" in a bar is only interesting for the first five minutes.

So when I go to the bar on my own, I take a book. Boy, do I get some funny looks. Especially on the weekends. Also, reading by the light of that dinky little candle on the table? Not easy. Once, someone actually stopped by my table and asked, "Why don't you go to a coffeeshop and read?"

I said, "I didn't want coffee. I wanted a beer." And I went back to reading.

But you know, if someone opened a bar with a coffeehouse feel (lights up, free wi-fi, pastries available, etc.) I would LOVE that. The quiet and sense of space and maybe a few puffy couches, now with beer!

I would miss out on the drunken proclamations of the trendy young things at the next table, but you can't have it all.

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Not Our Best Day

See this cat? This cat hates me.

This cat hates me because, in the course of an hour and a half, I:

• woke her from her nap (also known as "daylight")
• stuffed her into a small crate
• carried her from her home out into the big scary world
• took her WAY too close (approximately 20 feet) to traffic
• handed her over to strangers who:
• stuck a thermometer somewhere she did not find amusing
• drew her blood...twice
• held her over a sterile basin and squeezed
  
• stuffed her back into the crate
• took her back out into the big scary world
• woke her up from her restorative post-trauma nap to squirt antibiotics down her throat

And though I attempted to explain that I, too, had had something of a traumatic afternoon, she failed to see how loss of large amounts of "money" (whatever that is) and witnessing smoke coming off one's "debit card" (ditto) is in any way comparable to the indignities she suffered.

On the other hand, I'll get paid again long before she stops having Clavamox squirted down her throat twice daily...

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Coming Soon

TBL was going to do a postmortem of the Twins season here tonight, but she is instead dealing with a sick cat. The highs and lows (oh, so many lows) of the 2007 Twins season will, never fear, be picked apart in due course. There may also (bonus material!) be some sobbing about vet bills and being tired of eating ramen.

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Dustpans for Garza

Being on the winning end of a sweep is a glorious thing, made even more so by the preceding weeks of The Minnesota Twins Present: A Keystone Cops Revival.

It sure didn't look like Young Master Garza was going to get his first (ever) win at the Dome last night when the first batter of the game tagged pitch #5 waaaaaay into the right field seats. But he pulled himself together and pitched 6 1/3 innings without giving up any more earned runs (there was an unearned run in the seventh). He also got four whole runs of support from his teammates, the most he's gotten all season long. TBL is belatedly realizing that the Curse of Radke has not landed solely on poor Johan...

Also, Morneau got hits in this series. Yes--multiple hits! Okay...two. But still, the hitting!

And last but not least, and also serendipitously on National Talk Like A Pirate Day, TBL finally got to meet up Jen of Lipgloss & Baseball for a game and a long chat. Turns out, we were separated at birth. (Something you've been meaning to tell me, FPC?) Be very afraid, Minnesota--there are two of us. Muahahahahaha.



And now, Twins haikus:

Firmly entrenched in
Third place, watching the hated
White Sox rot in fifth

I don't really mind
No October ball; just send
The Yankees home too

---

Next up: Friday night, Johan "Will This Season Never End?" Santana vs. Mark "Twin Killer" Buehrle and the despicable Chicago Whine Sox. TBL's laying in the good whiskey for this one.

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Minnesota Math

On Friday evening, whilst watching the fiasco unfolding on the field before her, TBL sent a text message to FPC who, as a long-suffering Cubs fan, would surely understand.

It's one thing when your team sucks. But when your team sucks AND the umpires suck, there forms a great swirling vortex of suck from which nothing can escape.

And after the next two games (Baseball 2.0--now without egregious umpire interference!) it occurred to TBL that "great swirling vortex of suck" was a pretty apt description of the season as a whole. (And should any of you think TBL is being too harsh, bear in mind that the highlights of the season thus far have been a five-game winning streak in late August and a doubleheader stomping of the dreadfully bad White Sox in July.)

It also turns out that TBL's decision not to reserve a bundle of bucks for playoff tickets was the right one.

The Twins have been eliminated from the Central Division race, and the only way they could win the wild card would be to win every game for the rest of the season, while Detroit, New York, Seattle, Toronto and Oakland all lost every game remaining to them. Which, considering that Oakland and Seattle are playing a series against each other starting today, is utterly impossible.

Okay. No playoffs. How about a winning season, TBL? What would that take, you wonder?

Allow TBL to break that down for you.

The Twins have 13 games remaining on the schedule. They are currently 5 games below .500. If they go on a 5-game winning streak starting tonight (and wouldn't that be delightful?), they would hit .500 on Saturday, with 8 games left to play. Winning four of the eight, naturally, would give them a season record of .500, while even one more win would allow them to squeak into the "winning season" category.

In other words, they have to win 9 of 13 (play at a .693 clip) to break even, or 10 of 13 (.769) to climb past .500.

In those 13 games the Twins (72-77, .483) face the Rangers (70-79, .470), the White Sox (64-85, .430), Detroit (83-67, .553) and Boston (90-60, .600). And while there is a slim chance the Twins could sweep both Texas and Chicago, TBL is pretty well convinced that Detroit and Boston are going to kick their butts so thoroughly there won't be much left of the team but a faint smear on the Green Monster when all's said and done.

But perhaps they will surprise us. Goodness knows they've been a surprise to TBL most of the season.

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Changing of the Guard (Or, Holy ****!)

from WCCO.com:

Terry Ryan, executive vice president and general manager of the Minnesota Twins, will announce Thursday afternoon that he is stepping down at the end of this season.

Ryan, 52, will stay with the organization, WCCO's Mike Max has learned. The Twins won the American League Central last season, but they're two games under .500 this season and out of the playoff chase.

Ryan has long been highly regarded throughout baseball for his work in crafting a contender with a limited payroll. The Twins have received several awards for Organization of the Year this decade, but Ryan began to take some heat this year for the signings of some unproductive veterans and failures to lock up some of the team's stars to long-term contracts.

Uh...wow.

This is unexpected.

Perhaps not entirely unwelcome, given recent events, but definitely unexpected. Although the finaly paragraph in this segment of article may offer a hint as to why recent events have occurred...

But the last two years haven't been as kind to Ryan. The Twins stumbled out of the gate last season when Ryan gambled on veterans Tony Batista and Rondell White to supplement a shaky lineup. It wasn't until he relented and put in younger players that the Twins made their stunning run to another division title.

And this year, Ryan took a chance on rickety veterans Sidney Ponson and Ramon Ortiz to bolster a rotation that lost Brad Radke to retirement and Liriano to injury. But both Ponson and Ortiz flamed out early in the season.

Ryan also has failed to get long-term extensions done for ace Johan Santana, Hunter and reigning MVP Morneau, putting the future success of the Twins in question as they get ready to move into a new stadium a few years down the road.

Assistant general manager Wayne Krivsky, who was long lauded for his behind-the-scenes work as Ryan's right-hand man, left before last season to take over as Cincinnati's general manager.

Was Krivsky the brain behind the throne? The man has made some good, and some other very interesting trades for the Reds in the last two years.

The big question, though--who's the new GM?

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And Now, A "Duh" Moment

According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, Johan Santana wants himself a six-year contract:

Whether the Twins trade two-time Cy Young Award winner Johan Santana this winter could depend on whether they are willing to give him six years or more on a contract extension rather than the five they're expected to offer.

Here's a wild-n-crazy idea.

GIVE IT TO HIM.

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