Highlight Reel

The Dome isn't much of a place to watch baseball, but anywhere the Twins win against a pretty good team has its own beauty. And the Angels are a pretty good team. Leading the AL West, if memory serves. Some highlights and other memorable moments:

Pregame:
The garden burger from Grandstand Grill is pretty good. And, unlike everything else you can get at the Dome, it's not crusted with salt and/or dripping with grease.

Top 1st:
Miracles do happen. Radke pitches a scoreless first, despite giving up two hits, one to the leadoff hitter.

Bot 1st:
Morneau realizes he hasn't sent his mom anything lately, so he punches a homer all the way to British Columbia.

Top 3rd:
The Angels actually score a run, but it's not on Radke's head--it's unearned. Did they just put Radke's uniform on Joe Nathan? Nah, the fastball's not leaving re-entry trails, can't be him. Must actually be Radke. Cool.

Bot 3rd:
The Twins enter the Land of Sharply-Hit Balls. With one out, Stewart zings a single to right. Then Bartlett hits one so hard that, though the Angels shortstop and second baseman appeared from where I was sitting to both be touching the second base bag, the ball flew between them, emitting a small sonic boom over the base. Mauer hit one to the shortstop with such force that he, fielding it on a bounce, was driven backward a staggering step and was unable to throw anyone out. (Stewart scored on the play). And I don't know what first base coach Jerry White said to piss Morneau off, but those screaming foul balls Morneau shot at him didn't miss him by much.

Bot 4th:
Nick Punto legs out a stand-up triple in the time it takes most guys to just slide in under a tag for a double, or LeCroy to reach first.

Bot 5th:
With one out, Morneau hits one to the wall in right-center, and the Angels right and center fielders converge, tiptoeing after it like it's going to bite them. Morneau takes third on what I can only describe as defensive weirdness. (Is there a scoring notation for that? DW?) Then Hunter walked on four pitches, which just doesn't happen. Then Jones grounded into a double play, which does.

Seventh inning stretch:
Augh! They're playing that damn song! Where are my headphones?! MUST BLOCK OUT THE HORROR! I swear, if I die before Lee Greenwood, I am going to come back and haunt him until he ends up gibbering in a corner, peeing himself. He won't be so "proud to be an American" then, no sir.

Top 8th:
Juan Rincón, after a brief foray into Lohseland on Thursday, returned to his usual form. By which I mean: "You guys. Yeah, you with the bats. Sit down."

Top 9th:
Okay. So Orlando Cabrera is batting, right? And Joe Nathan is pitching. So Joe throws a 1-2 pitch and Orlando gives a mighty swing and what goes toward the mound is not the ball, but the bat, which lands right by Joe's feet. He bends and scoops like he's fielding a ball except there's nothing in his hand, but he straightens up anyway and underhands that handful of nothing toward first base. Morneau just stands there staring at him like he sprouted a second head or said that hockey sucks or something.

Catchers and closers, man. They're crazy. If it weren't for baseball, they'd be hanging out at bus stops talking to light posts.

Then again, the same thing's probably been said of me, a time or two.

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Huh?

Minnesota Twins News:
Gardenhire has no qualms about continuing to go with Michael Cuddyer at third base, who is hitting .200 through 65 at-bats. 'He just needs to get a little more confident swinging the bat,' Gardenhire said. 'He can drive it to the gaps, he can drive the ball out of the ballpark. Defensively, he's playing the heck out of third base. Offensively, he hasn't gotten there yet. But hopefully, he can work through that and everything will be fine.'

Um...Gardy? You know you can get arrested for smoking that stuff, right?

I'd like to call out part of his quote: "Defensively, he's playing the heck out of third base."

I'd say five errors in 19 games would be more like pounding the heck out of third base. Or perhaps playing nowhere the heck near third base. Or even annoying the heck out of everyone who thought he was supposed to field third base.

The only starting third baseman in the major leagues with an error rate that high thus far this season is Jose "Boot" Valentin. Jose Friggin' Valentin, for chrissakes, who was the league's worst-fielding shortstop up until this season and who never met routine grounder he couldn't bobble. Fielding at the same level as Jose Valentin is not a good start.

Now, before Cudderror's fans jump all over me, allow me to point out that I'm not saying he'll never improve. He probably will. Because when you're Valentin v2.0, there's nowhere to go but up.

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Missing: Sunshine and Suckitude

Early in the evening in Minneapolis, the April weather went missing. In its place we found November weather. The former is notable for sunshine, cool evenings and warm afternoons. The latter is known for damp chill with scattered snow showers.

A reward is being offered for the return of the April weather, which was last seen being herded southward by a Canadian front. Everyone misses it.

Later that same evening, in the seventh inning in Kansas City, the April Twins went missing. In their place we found the August Twins. The former are notable for their erratic pitching and craptacular "hitting". The latter are known for dancing on the graves of their fallen foes.

No reward will be offered for the return of the April Twins, who were last seen striking out on a changeup in the dirt. Only the White Wind Sox miss them.

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Wednesday Morning Miscellany

[TBL normally blogs during her breaks at work, but the advent of a new and time-sensitive project have made those breaks few and far between. Blogging in the next week or two may frequently be brief and occasionally nonexistent. Blogging from home will happen when time permits.]

Going into the 20th game of the season, let's see who's coming out of the gate quickly, and who hasn't figured out where the gate is yet:

Who's Hot
Position Players
Player	AB	Avg	OBP	OPS	HR	RBI	Err
Jones	56	.393	.500	1.196	3	13	0
LeCroy	47	.319	.418	.886	2	9	0
Hunter	70	.257	.338	.823	4	16	1
Pitchers
Player	IP	W-L	ERA	WHIP	K	BB	HR
Nathan	8.1	1-0	0.00	0.48	11	0	0
Santana	33.0	4-0	3.55	0.94	45	3	3
Rincon	9.0	2-1	2.00	1.33	12	4	0
Who's Not
Position Players
Player	AB	Avg	OBP	OPS	HR	RBI	Err
Rivas	40	.200	.250	.450	0	1	0
Cuddyer	62	.194	.265	.523	1	3	5
Bartlett	52	.250	.291	.656	1	5	1
Pitchers
Player	IP	W-L	ERA	WHIP	K	BB	HR
Lohse	17.2	1-2	6.62	1.36	10	2	6
Mulholland	9.0	0-1	6.00	1.33	2	2	3
Radke	33.2	1-3	5.08	1.19	18	1	7

minimum 35 AB or 8 IP
red text = team leader
green text = worst on team


And the strangest headline I've seen all year:

Exploding Toads Puzzle German Scientists
More than 1,000 toads have puffed up and exploded in a Hamburg pond in recent weeks, and scientists still have no explanation for what's causing the combustion, an official said Wednesday.

Both the pond's water and body parts of the toads have been tested, but scientists have been unable to find a bacteria or virus that would cause the toads to swell up and pop, said Janne Kloepper, of the Hamburg-based Institute for Hygiene and the Environment.

'It's absolutely strange,' she said. 'We have a really unique story here in Hamburg. This phenomenon really doesn't seem to have appeared anywhere before.'

The toads at a pond in the upscale neighborhood of Altona have been blowing up since the beginning of the month, filling up like balloons until their stomachs suddenly burst.

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He's Not Just Stealing Home Runs Anymore

For those of you who, like me, have been wondering what lit such a fire under Torii's butt on the basepaths lately, here's the scoop:

Minnesota Twins News:
[Torii] Hunter entered Sunday as the Major League leader in steals with 10, one more than Scott Podsednik of the White Sox. At the current pace, Hunter is on track to steal 95 bases. He is 26-of-29 in steals since last year's All-Star break, including a perfect 10-for-10 in 2005.

First base coach Jerry White encouraged Hunter to steal more over the years, but he didn't really start trying it until an injured hamstring from early last season felt better and team offensive struggles had him looking to make things happen on base.
Hunter decided he wanted to keep running right from the start of 2005, and the team has given him the green light to go at will.

'I sat down [last winter] and evaluated my season,' Hunter said. 'I told myself that I would need to incorporate more stealing into my game to help the team.'

However, Hunter doesn't resemble prototypical base stealers like Podsednik or Juan Pierre, who are smaller and speedier. Hunter has speed, but relies more on perfectly timed big jumps before a pitcher begins his delivery toward home.

'I'm like a hyena,' Hunter said. 'I'm always looking for the weak link.'

Torii "the Hyena" Hunter. I like it!

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Pirates on Parade

Okay, so there are these pirates, right? Well, not really pirates. Pirate re-enactors. All the grog and nifty outfits, none of the getting maimed. Kind of a sweet deal, really. We're the pirates of the good (if slightly imaginary) ship "The Bloodwake", and you can learn more about us by following the Bloodwake Pirates link in my favorites section.

Despite being a generally scurrilous bunch of brigands, we occasionally raise our faces from our tankards long enough to do something that doesn't carry legal and/or civil penalties should we get caught. A few of us will be participating in the Minnesota AIDS Walk on May 15th.

The AIDSWalk benefits the Minnesota AIDS Project, which provides HIV prevention education along with services and advocacy for HIV-positive Minnesotans. Considering that a new case of HIV is reported in Minnesota every 29 hours, that's pretty darn important stuff. And it costs money, which is the Walk raises.

And that's where you, Dear Readers, come in. This blog is free, but getting a pirate off his/her rum-soaked rump and into Minnehaha Park on a Sunday morning isn't.

If you can spare a little money for this worthy cause, please do. You can donate online at my AIDSWalk page or sponsor the pirate of your choice at the Bloodwake Pirates AIDSWalk page. All contributions are tax-deductible.

Thank you.

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An Open Letter to Jason Bartlett

Hi, Jason. How's it going?

Listen, we need to talk. Remember that game on Thursday, when you got two hits and made that sweet play? Remember? That was wonderful. Not that you haven't been fielding, don't get me wrong. That glove of yours is just brilliant, so much better than anyone expected.

But the hitting...well, the hitting's kind of been, and please don't take this the wrong way, sucky. Just lately. The last two weeks. Do you remember the last time, before Thursday, that you got two hits in a game? No, I didn't either. It was April 13th, but I had to look that up on CBS Sportsline, and that's kind of sad, because it was a really special day for us. Do you remember why it was a special day? Yes, that's when I decided you were going to be my favorite position player now that Corey Koskie, who I gave five years of my life to, is now a Blue Jay. I make this season-changing decision, and you stop hitting. Where's the love?

So now I'm thinking maybe I wasn't really clear with you, because you've obviously been under some gawdawful pressure that can't be explained away by "scouting reports". So let me lay it all out on the table for you, and you can shake this off and go back to winning that RoY, 'kay?

See, Jason, I don't expect you to replace Corey. You're not a thirty-one-year-old Canadian third baseman with a mighty swing and godlike fielding ability being held together by duct tape and prayer. And that's okay. I don't want you to be. I want you to be a good-fielding, good-hitting healthy young American shortstop whose pants and socks meet at the knees, just as they ought.

Besides, Juan Rincón isn't just my favorite pitcher, when Corey left he got promoted to favorite player. All you have to do hold down the position-player end of things, and keep Juan company on road trips. He gets lonely. But you don't see him going out there and walking everybody now that he's on the top of my list, do you? No, you don't. Juan knows I don't expect perfection, even from my very favorite player in the whole world, much less from a sweet little rookie like you.

So take a deep breath, Jason. It's all going to be fine. See, I'm the loyal sort. If I wasn't, do you really think I would have stuck with Corey through the last two seasons when he'd go on the DL if you looked at him wrong? I already put your rookie card into my double holder next to Juan's, and that's as good as a signed contract. I am going to stick with you through thick and thin, and all I ask is that you go out there, do your best, and keep those socks up.

Are we clear? Good.

Best wishes,
TBL

P.S. The occasional Web Gem wouldn't hurt, either.

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