"Let us go forth a while, and get better air in our lungs. Let us leave our closed rooms...
The game of ball is glorious."

--Walt Whitman

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Woohahahahahaha!

So, this morning TBL clicked her way on over to the official Minnesota Twins website, where her eyes immediately landed on a headline so bizarre, so hilarious, that she immediately burst into great whoops of laughter.

Pitching choices abound this year

I shit you not, dear readers. And the article appears to be sincere in claiming that Gardy has some very difficult decisions to make in the next week, because there are just so darn many good starting pitchers in camp.

TBL suspects this is just a really lame attempt at spin, but let's go over the candidates one more time, since the list has been shortened by some recent reassignments to the minor league camp.

1. Johan CyTana. 'Nuff said.

2. Ramon Ortiz, the surprise of the spring. His career stats, however, paint a different picture. His ERA has been well over 5.00 three of the last four seasons. Is this just an incredibly good spring, or the beginnings of another patented Rick Anderson miracle?

3. Sir Sidney Ponson, who has looked pretty good lately, BUT. This is another guy whose career stats tell you not to hang anything but your most modest hopes upon him, with an ERA well over 5.00 for the last three seasons. He did have that one really good year, but, folks? That was 2003. Since then, he's posted a cumulative 5.76 ERA and been arrested four times--once for assault on a judge, thrice for DUI. In between court appearances, he likes to keep busy by insulting the fans of his former teams, avoiding his training regimen, overeating and partying the night before his starts.
TBL has her doubts as to whether he's going to fit in real well in this clubhouse...

4. "You Can't Handle The Boof" Bonser, who showed both flashes of brilliance and moments of utter suckitude in limited major-league exposure last season. He's ready for the bigs, but look for him to go through a month or so (TBL's going to pencil it in around Memorial Day) of getting utterly shelled after the scouting reports make the rounds. How quickly he makes the adjustment will tell us a lot about his future potential.

5. Matt Garza, who has pitched very well in, let's see...twelve innings of work. This kid isn't going to be ready to pitch 6 innings by next week, more's the pity.

and finally...

6. Carlos "Oh, God, Make It Stop" Silva, who is desperately (but with little success to date) trying to recapture his 2005 form.

The article talked about Glen Perkins in the same breath as Matt Garza, but Perkins has been reassigned to the minor league camp. He obviously won't be making the rotation to start the season. With four question marks and one exclamation point as candidates behind the godlike Santana, the Twins aren't exactly spoiled for choice.

2 rejoinders:

twayn sounded off...

After Santana, Boof and Garza, the choices are down to this: Is a kick in the butt better than a kick in the groin? I don't really consider Thesier a sports journalist yet, though. She's more like a thinly veiled extension of the Twins PR department.

Third Base Line sounded off...

>After Santana, Boof and Garza, the
>choices are down to this: Is a kick
>in the butt better than a kick in
>the groin?

One almost hesitates to ask, but...

Which (or rather, who) is which?