As the Rotation Turns

As a Twins fan, one comes to expect certain things. Things such as clinging to underperforming players well past their expiration date (everyone remember Tony Batista?). Thus, it was stunning to see the Twins actually release Sir Sidney "Hit Me Again" Ponson as early as mid-May; TBL had projected him getting the boot in late June, shortly after hordes of belligerent fans burned TR in effigy on the plaza.

Now, in another startling move made whilst the season is still young, Ramon Ortiz, who was the main subject of yesterday's post, has been demoted to the bullpen. Ortiz will be assuming the long-relief role formerly occupied by Matt Guerrier, while Guerrier (who has distinguished himself by actually getting batters out) will be filling in for Jesse Crain, Glen Perkins and Dennys Reyes in late-innings short relief. There are, of course, a couple of other relievers--fresh from Rochester--out there in place of the three injured, but Guerrier will be the one who gets trotted out there when the game is close.

Someone will be called up on Thursday to replace Ortiz in the rotation and make Friday's start in Oakland. The smart money is on Kevin Slowey. No word yet on who will be sent down to make room on the roster.

Is anyone else all a-twitter to see Slowey pitch? TBL is!

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Series Wrapup

Twins 4, Jays 3
Twins 8, Jays 9 (13 innings)
Twins 4, Morneau 3, Jays 2

Now THAT, friends and neighbors, is what TBL likes to see. A series win--the third in a row!--and the lone loss a close one indeed. Highlights of the series included Justin Morneau, Carlos Silva's 7-inning, 2-run start, two sizzling saves by Joe Nathan, Michael Cuddyer's career high 5-RBI game, and the major league debut of lefty relief pitcher Jason Miller, who tossed a perfect inning.

The only real blot on a lovely series was Ramon Ortiz's start. For those of you who weren't paying attention, he started the game in which the Jays scored a lot. He made a fabulous beginning with the Twins, but even TBL's irrational goodwill has worn down to tattered shreds in the last month. Observe:

Month	Starts	W	L	ERA	IP	ER	H	BB	HR	WHIP
April	5	3	1	2.57	35.0	10	28	6	3	0.97
May	5	0	3	10.97	21.1	26	40	5	6	2.11

Looks like the lines for two different pitchers, doesn't it? One disturbing note, given the current condition of the Twins' bullpen, is that he averaged 4 1/3 innings per start in May. The mind boggles.

That wouldn't have been acceptable with a healthy bullpen, but when we've got three relievers on the DL? Something must be done. I would suggest that Ortiz come down with a strained quad or somesuch, go on the DL, and use those 15 days to pull himself together while the Twins avail themselves of the red-hot arm of Kevin Slowey.

The coaching and managerial staff have been, as one would expect, evasive on the subject of why Ortiz has taken such a nosedive. After this last start, however, Gardenhire was making noises about "seeing where we're at" with Ortiz, which one can only assume means re-evaluating his presence in the rotation. His next scheduled start is on Friday; TBL intends to keep a close eye on the whereabouts of Slowey in the meantime.

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Up next: the despicable Whine Sox

5/28, 1:10
Jose Contreras, RHP (4-4, 3.71) vs. Johan Santana, LHP (5-4, 3.05)

5/29, 7:10
John Danks, LHP (3-4, 3.78) vs. Boof Bonser, RHP (3-1, 3.88)

5/30, 12:10
Jon Garland, RHP (3-3, 3.43) vs. Scott Baker, RHP (1-0, 3.29)

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Mistress Of All I Survey

Sometimes living alone sucks.

I've been on my own for six months now, and 99% of the time I love it. My space, my rules, my style, my stuff, my way. No roommates, no family, no compromises. I've got a meatless kitchen and a toilet seat that's always left down. I've got four closets all to myself. (No, I have not filled one with yarn. Yet.) I know where everything is, and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else.

When I don't feel sociable (which is often) I can shut the door and throw the bolt and ahh...blessed solitude. If I'm writing, no one wanders in and accidentally blows my concentration all to hell. No one tries to talk to me during CSI, or dares to suggest that holding knitting projects is not the ultimate function of the coffee table.

However, there are times when I want to be around other people, to talk and laugh and interact, yet everyone I know is busy (I don't know very many people, actually) and there's nowhere to go but home. So I go home and shut the door and try to talk to the cat, but it's just not the same.

The cat, frankly, doesn't give a shit if you had a bad day and were hoping for an evening out with your friends to make up for it. Nor does the cat care in the least when you've got a raging case of writer's block, and furthermore the cat is utterly useless if you want to bounce plot ideas off of someone.

The cat also can't give you a hug when you need one, or smack you upside the head and tell you you're being a dumbass when that's what you need. The cat does not point out ever-so-delicately that the outfit in which you're trying to leave the house makes your ass look like a dirigible ready for launch, nor does the cat remind you that you're out of toilet paper, veggie burgers, and whiskey. (You know, the essentials.) The cat loves getting backrubs, but has yet to reciprocate.

Humans are hardwired to be social creatures. Even raging introverts like me have to get out there now and again. And when we're thwarted in that design, the primal brain becomes convinced we have been abandoned by the tribe and will promptly die. No amount of logic and reason will convince the primal brain otherwise, because it is not so smart. It is the primal brain which leads us to feel like crap when we find ourselves watching the Cubs game on television a few minutes before midnight on a Friday when we'd hoped to be down the pub with a pint and some old friends, even though these things happen and there's really no reason to get at all despondent about it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my new life. I adore my on-my-own-ness. I relish my privacy and my utter command of one tiny, overpriced, cat-fur-covered piece of the universe.

But once in a while...

...every so often...

...just occasionally...

...one percent of the time...

...it sucks.

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Staying In Touch

Rangers 1, Twins 7

Time for TBL to catch up on her correspondence.

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Johan Santana
c/o Minnesota Twins
Minneapolis, MN

Dearest, darling Johan,

Oh, my. We all know you're usually en fuego, but last night? That was something special. Thirteen strikeouts! (Is it warm in here?) And run support! The boys actually gave you run support! After your last couple of starts, I was starting to think you had inherited the Curse of Radke. Glad to know that's not the case. And before that, I admit there were a few times I suspected your evil lookalike might have made a comeback. But luckily for all of us, you were just having a bad day.

In the midst of all the injuries and the imploding and the sucking, your en fuego-ness is an inspiration to us all. Except maybe Morneau, I can never tell what he's thinking. Darn stoics.

Devotedly,
TBL

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Justin Morneau
c/o Minnesota Twins
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Justin,

Two massive, towering homers and five RBI! Be still my beating heart. And this was your third multi-homer game of the season already. Some people actually think that smirking bastard Jeter should have won the MVP? Hah!

Truly, you are Canada's finest export.

Admiringly,
TBL

P.S. You can crack a smile every now and again. It's okay. Really.

---

Kevin Slowey
c/o Rochester Red Wings
Rochester, NY

Dear Kevin,

Judging by your 1.76 ERA and the Twins ever-expanding disabled list, I think you're going to be needing this.

Practically,
TBL

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George Steinbrenner
c/o New York Yankees
Ninth Circle of Hell, Hades

Dear George,

I snicker in your general direction.

Schadenfreudeially,
TBL

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Ouch

Anyone out there starting to think this team is cursed? Yeah, me, too.

The current state of the Twins' disabled list:

RHP Jesse Crain, 15-day as of 05/16/2007 (out for the season)
LHP Francisco Liriano, 60-day as of 03/24/2007 (out for the season)
LHP Glen Perkins, 15-day as of 05/22/2007
C Joe Mauer, 15-day as of 05/06/2007
IF Alejandro Machado, 15-day as of 03/24/2007 (may be out for season)
OF Josh Rabe, 15-day as of 05/10/2007
OF Rondell White, 15-day as of 04/05/2007

Jeff Cirillo and Lew Ford have served 15-day DL stints and returned to the lineup. And those are just the serious injuries. Off the top of my head, I recall that Nick Punto, Jason Bartlett, Torii Hunter, Dennys Reyes, Michael Cuddyer and Luis Castillo have all been unavailable for multiple consecutive games at some point in the season thus far. I'm probably missing a few guys with that list.

And oh, look--we now have a bullpen with no lefties. As if the Twins' pitching wasn't enough of a question mark. Isn't that just dandy? Then again, the lefties we did have in the bullpen weren't exactly setting the league afire...

What it comes down to is that the Twins are sitting in the toughest division in baseball and missing the reigning AL batting champ, who also happens to be an elite catcher, their starting left fielder, the hottest young lefty starter since Johan Santana, another young lefty (future) starter who they were depending on for some bullpen help, a promising young infielder, an oft-used middle reliever, and a backup outfielder. For the next few days, they also have to contend with the unavailability of their lefthanded specialist and the probable unavailability of their starting shortstop, along with the usual worries about the bum knees of their second baseman, their outfielder/DH, and their current left fielder.

So yes, they got their butts whupped 14-4 by the Rangers last night, but given the current state of the roster, I'm amazed they managed to put nine guys out there every inning.

No official word from the Twins on who will be called up to replace Glen Perkins, but the Rochester Red Wings site is saying that the major league club has purchased the contract of lefty Carmen Cali. Cali is 2-0 with a 2.70 ERA in 16 2/3 innings of work over 12 games for the Red Wings. He has walked 6, struck out 5, and has a 1.14 WHIP. Cali is not currently on the Twins' 40-man roster, but I believe there is one spot available due to Liriano being on the 60-day disabled list.

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Two Out of Three, Etcetera

Well.

Looks like a certain team remembered what those big sticks are for. Also, those weird leather things that look kind of like hands. And where the strike zone is. And how it's only funny if your guy hits the ball out of the park.

Sure, we were all hoping for the sweep. We were all hoping Scott Baker would pitch the complete game on Saturday (TBL will never quite understand why he wasn't allowed to). But we all know that with the way these guys were playing the last couple of weeks, winning one game against the resurgent Brewers would have been good. Winning two and staying close in the third was practically a miracle.

'Course, it turns out that Dennys Reyes gave up the winning run at least in part because that problematic shoulder flared up again, a fact of which both he and the trainers who knew about it failed to inform the manager. Who would not have put him in a tie game if he had known.

Now, that's enough to drive an honest fan crazy, it really is, but TBL is going to curse the name, person, and ancestry of Reyes tomorrow. Tomorrow is soon enough to worry about Crain's absence, Reyes' shoulder, Ortiz's 11.74 May ERA, Santana's lack of run support, the generalized streakiness of Twins hitting, Castillo's knees and the deeper meaning of the infield fly rule. Tomorrow is soon enough, because Mondays suck anyway.

Tonight is the time to luxuriate in the first series win since April. Yes, April. It really has been that long. And to remember that the Twins actually beat a lefty starter on Friday. So enjoy, fellow Twins fans. Savor it. And if you have some time on your hands and a spiritual turn of mind, praying probably wouldn't hurt.

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Up next: Twins at Rangers

5/21, 7:05
Carlos Silva, RHP (2-4, 3.56) vs. Vicente Padilla, RHP (1-6, 5.77)

5/22, 7:05
Johan Santana, LHP (4-4, 3.26) vs. Kameron Loe, RHP (1-3, 6.21)

5/23, 1:05
Boof Bonser, RHP (2-1, 3.91) vs. Robinson Tejeda, RHP (4-3, 4.53)

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The Unbearable Triteness of Sucking

Cleveland 15, Minnesota 7
Cleveland 7, Minnesota 1
Cleveland 2, Minnesota 0

For the second start in a row, Johan "Godlike" Santana went six innings or more, allowed two earned runs, and lost. Today, he also got a season high in strikeouts.

But that's not the worst of it. Oh, no. Over the three game series, the Twins flailed their way through 22 scoreless innings at bat. They badly lost a game in which they scored seven runs. The MVP got beaned, and no one retaliated. They lost a middle reliever to the DL, likely for the rest of the season. They posted a .217 batting average (despite the seven-run game) and a 6.75 ERA (which doesn't reflect the six unearned runs). Oh, and let's not forget the eleven walks they handed out, while taking only four.

And those are just the numbers. Numbers don't show you sloppy bunt attempts, negligent throws, or generalized incompetence. But the TV sure does. Actually, TBL is pretty sure that the sixth inning of Tuesday's game is permanently burned onto her retinas. Last night she woke up at three in the morning, clutching a very unhappy cat and screaming, "No, Jesse Crain! Don't leave that pitch up to Grady Sizemore!"

One can only hope that this, right here and now, is the darkest of darkness which is purported to come just before the dawn. Because if TBL doesn't get herself some dawn soon, she's going to get upset, and because of that she'll have a wee bit too much wine, which will cause her to write long, weepy letters to Jason Bartlett asking why can't he field anymore and why does he suck at bunting and where are his tall socks, and those splotchy, recriminating messages will upset him, and if the shortstop isn't happy ain't nobody happy, and no good can come of it, ever.

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Next up: 3 games at Milwaukee. Our pitchers have to bat. Yeah, that'll help...

5/18, 7:05
Boof Bonser, RHP (1-1, 4.33) vs. Chris Capuano, LHP (5-1, 2.93)

5/19, 6:05
Scott Baker, RHP (0-0, -.--) vs. Dave Bush, RHP (3-3, 5.47)

5/20, 1:05
Ramon Ortiz, RHP (3-4, 4.89) vs. Claudio Vargas, RHP (3-0, 2.93)

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