Are you sitting down? You should sit down. This is going to come as something of a shock.
You know the Twins? The Minnesota Twins?
They won a road game.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Settle down! No need to start packing for the Apocalypse just yet. Now, if they should win the series, then by all means do start scanning the horizon for horsemen.
It was an epic pitchers' duel, hearkening back to the great Santana/Schilling matchup of '06, made all the more dramatic by the thunder and lightning and Biblical amounts of rain outside the window for those of us watching in the Twin Cities metro.
The young guns on the mound were stupendous. For the Twins the 'Cisco Kid was sitting the bitches down left and right, right and left, and even the occasional switch. And our batters faced Pirates' pitcher Ian Snell with this look on their face like "huh??" after every pitch. There was remarkably little assbattery involved, really.
Digression: I noticed early in the game that Cuddyer looks like he hasn't slept in a week. And not the good kind of not sleeping in a week, either. What's up with that? Infield needs a scoop!
But, you see, 'Cisco made a wee tiny mistake in the third, and there was a runner on, and then inning after inning went by and nobody who wasn't a pitcher did nothin'. And it was starting to look a lot like just another day on the road for the Twins. To wit, a loss.
Especially in the 6th when 'Cisco fielded a bunt and kinda overthrew it in the Doctor's general direction and the runner moved to second with one out. But 'Cisco is 'Cisco, and he doesn't give a fig for your runners in scoring position, oh no. He just got himself two outs and left the guy standing there at second wondering if everyone had forgotten about him. They had.
But then in the 7th, all of a sudden, our boys solved the puzzle of Ian Snell. LNP walked. The Chairman singled (naturally). He Who Sleepeth Not doubled and LNP scored. Thus endeth the shutout. Yay!
Next the good Doctor hit a sacrifice fly (because he cares nothing for personal glory; the team is all), and the Chairman came home and we were TIED. Wow.
And then Sweetcheeks came up with one out and a runner on third and I admit I kind of put my hands over my eyes. But Dick said something about a single and I looked up just in time to see Cuddy cross the plate.
So the Twins were leading 3-2 and Snell got the hook and Damaso Marte came on and did what he usually does to the Twins, curse him, which is send them back to the dugout. 'Cisco came back out for one more inning, which turned out to be just long enough for him to get one more strikeout and reach a career-high eleven Ks.
"Just another day," Liriano said. "I strike out a lot of people."
Just another day for YOU, 'Cisco. You and your Santana-like hotness. But a very special day for us fans back home.
So the ninth rolls around and we still have a lead and poor worn-out Nathanator is warming in the pen, which I don't understand because Boo did great in the 8th. So I think to myself, I think, "Self, we need some more runs. If only to give poor Joe a little wiggle room. Or twitch room, as the case may be."
Well, the good Doctor and Sweetcheeks must have been thinking along the same lines, because they both singled. And Lewwwwwww came up and put a decent bunt down third base way, which is good 'cause Gardy had this cute little cocktail dress with matching heels all ready for Lew to wear back to the hotel if he didn't, and then...
...my cable went out.
Of course WCCO radio had turned into the Weather Channel while I wasn't looking, so I crossed my fingers and turned on my computer in the middle of an elecrical storm. And I'd like to say I did it for you, dear readers, but that would be untrue. My cable went out with runners in scoring position and I had to know what happened.
And Gameday told me that they walked my boy Bartlett because he's dangerous with that bat, I tell ya. Then the Pirates changed pitchers, and the new guy walked Rondell White with the bases loaded. We had a TWO run lead! And then there was some striking out.
So the Nathanator comes on, and I'm a little worried because frankly he threw more pitches the night before than he had in the entire month of April. But I should not have worried, because he is the Nathanator and 1-2-3! The Pirates got Nathanated.
And the Twins won. On the road.