And Then There Were 22

Any of the following could, or rather should, have been the title of today's post:

Santana Ties Career-High 14 Ks in a Game

Santana Ties Career-High 14 Ks in a Game but Gets a No-Decision

Jones' 13th Inning RBI Single Wins For Twins

Punto Hits Two Run Homer to Keep Twins Alive

Twins' Offense Stymied by Yet Another Junkballer

Twins Win Series vs. Cleveland, Narrow White Sox Lead to 3 1/2 Games

Worthy stories all. I would have loved to write any of those posts. Why, I had a laundry list of wisecracks about tiny infielders hitting homers, already prepared! But instead, alas alack and aday, I am forced to write:

Twins Lose Three Critical Players Day Before $*#%ing Yankees Come to Town

Le sigh. Le moan. Le swear.

Cleanup hitter (and the Twins' only legitimate power threat) Justin Morneau hyperextended his left elbow during batting practice, but like a dipshit decided to play through it. He accomplished nothing but a further lowering of his batting average in two at-bats before discomfort drove him from the game in the fourth. He is listed as day-to-day.

In the seventh, second baseman Nick Punto (oh my, a second baseman who can hit over .250!) pulled a hamstring attempting to steal second base. He was placed on the 15-day disabled list after the game and is currently expected to miss 3-4 weeks. Terry Tiffee, who spent a whole two days in AAA, is on his way back to Minnesota to fill the roster spot. Who will be playing at second base for the next month, with Luis Rivas also on the DL, is anyone's guess.

And finally, in the tenth, the Twins' only .300+ hitter (do we have a hitting coach?), phenom backstop Joe Mauer, re-aggravated the groin pull that kept him out of the lineup most of last week. He is also listed as day-to-day.

All this, the day before the Evil Empire comes to town. Oh, and I should mention that the two pitchers the Twins will not be sending to the mound in the series are Radke and Santana. Can you see me containing my joy? It's difficult.

Of course, the Bankees just got swept by the Kansas City Royals Landed Gentry. That's sad. That's changing your name and fleeing to Nepal so you never again encounter anyone who might conceivably recognize you sad.

Oh, wait...it's the Yankees. That's not sad, that's funny!